Triana House

I was so disappointed with our room at Triana House that I re-read the TripAdvisor and booking site reviews, nearly all of which give the hotel 5 stars or equivalent, and I can only think that successive reviewers have followed suit in a ‘King's New Clothes’ kind of way or otherwise they must be completely deluded. Either way, I have to set the record straight. In the interests of fairness, I did report my views to the reception the morning after arrival as I am aware that hoteliers frequently complain in these columns that nothing was said at the time. We were staying in room ‘São Paolo’, not a large room but designated a superior room— I wonder what a standard would look like? It was soon apparent that storage space was almost non-existent. There were no drawers anywhere in the room and no shelves except the high upper wardrobe shelf (already full of spare bedding), the raised wardrobe floor (room for a suitcase underneath) and a small dressing table shelf already full with the tea-tray and kettle. There was only one double hook (for towels) in the bathroom, none in the bedroom, no shelves in the bathroom either except a small 10x10 inch tower unit already holding toiletries and toilet rolls. There weren’t even usable windowsills (the bedroom window fits flush and the bathroom sill is chamfered at 30 degrees). Instead of bedside cabinets, we each had a patio-type round table of polished stone on a cast-iron frame. So there was nowhere safe to put my spectacles, watch, phone, medication, reading book etc., without the risk of knocking them off onto the hard, tiled floor in the night and so we were forced to live out of a suitcase for a few nights – not ideal but easier for us, maybe, as we were travelling light. I dread to think how other guests seen arriving with multiple suitcases would have fared in similar rooms. The colour scheme was very dark – the dark grey shower was especially poorly lit, not helped by one of the two light bulbs above the mirror and serving the whole bathroom being blown (until replaced at my request). The shower also possessed a kind of raised pedestal floor, around the edges of which the water drains away; unfortunately, if you drop the soap or see it slip through the wire soap holder then that's gone for good down there too. Reviewers enthuse about the hotel garden terrace. None of this is available to the occupants of ‘São Paolo’ and its neighbours in the annexe except by ringing the bell for access to the main hotel which remains otherwise inaccessible behind formidable, locked wooden doors at all times, not openable by the annexe keys, although the reception staff are pleasant and helpful once this bastion has been breached. Reviewers also enthuse about ‘breakfast in bed’. In reality, there is nothing luxurious about breakfast served on a tray placed in the middle of the bed for want of more space. It’s no more than a slightly more stylishly-served version of roughing it as we do in those Traveller’s Lodgings th