The Maitrise Hotel Edgware Road

Where do we start? After booking late, we didn’t expect the Ritz with this hotel, but we all also expect to be a pleasant experience (especially with 4 stars painting on their building)! Given room 128, it felt like a journey through a maze to find our humble abode. Upon opening the room, we thought the lady had mistaken our windowless room with a broom cupboard. The room had no windows and a dodgy air conditioning system, which when switched on, greeted our olfactory receptors with a strong herbal scent (medical term I believe is *********). We chose the risk of dehydration over drug intoxication and the bottle of febreeze (kindly offered by the chap on reception) really didn’t make a difference. The stingy lack of pillows (per head) made for a difficult night, coupled with a gentleman’s best Pumba warthog impression next door. Expect to see him at Lyceum Theatre soon. We were left staring at the crumbling walls surrounding us, debating if this was a nigh**are or real life drama. Waking up with a disappointing lack of tan after a night on the sun beds, it was shower time. Friendly advice (if you’re not put off already), stand back a safe 3 metres when turning the shower on. What followed next felt like a bad outtake from the titanic, trapped in a flooded cabin, not sure on what you’ve done to deserve this. The drainage system was not up to the high standards set by the Niagara Falls- esque shower head. The tap in the sink is also so badly designed, that a simple hand washing exercise can only worsen the flood dilemma. After using every piece of available material to absorb the water, it was time for a cup of good English tea. A good selection of brews to chose from, boosted our morale slightly from the depths of the ocean floor. This was short-lived after discovering the milk was not its usual liquid consistency, yet more like a ball of mozzarella. I can only assume this was milked before I was born (i’m getting old)! This room took its pound of flesh from us before leaving. Just as we looked to escape, squelching in our flippers, the edge of the bed thought overwise. We were sliced open, like a hot knife through butter. This room is not designed for free movement, I would try the classic side step approach. We had a lovely weekend in London, but this hotel experience was unforgettable in a tragic way. Great location for access to the tube station etc. However, avoid this hotel at all costs. We aren’t one to leave bad reviews, but this needed to be shared as we don’t think anyone deserves this kind of experience when visiting the capital!